For years now, I’ve disliked the sensation when the vehicle I am in rounds a bend. You know, for example, when the car curves around the roundabout. My heart would swoop down to my stomach and my imagination would run wild (along the lines of “what if we swung off the road…”). As my body would tilt precariously with the motion of the car, I would cringe and try to stay as firmly in my seat as I possibly could, in a bid to resist the motion. I would NOT be moved.
Something shifted this year. This year rightly dubbed in XoCaraLand, The Year of Spontaneity. So I decided that instead of doing my utmost to resist the movement of my body with the car, why not just let go and see what happens…you know, go with the flow. A small seemingly insignificant shift… but oh boy oh boy, has it made a difference! It’s been surprisingly so liberating that I wonder why I ever resisted in the first place! Funny how the effects of some such small changes can reverberate so widely.
It reminds me of life, and of how for years growing up, I tried to gather and clutch to my bosom the reins of control of my life. I have firmly believed that our lives would be exactly as we made it, and to that end, I made dozens and dozens of plans and vision boards. That my life might not escape me, that I might live each moment to the fullest. That is all well and good, until I begun to let those feelings escalate into worry and anxiety. Isn’t is sad when one lets the fear of the future taint the heartfelt joy of the present? This year, I’ve said, “Carpe diem!” and meant it fully. How amazing it has been to look anxiety and depression in the face, and to walk away intact. How healing it is to live moment by moment, lost in joy, love and creativity. May we never let that depart from us.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
– Matt 6: 25 – 34 (NIV)
I’m the luckiest girl in the world! Because I’m the child of the Heavens, an “nsoroma”. We are the luckiest guys in the world, guys, we are. We are alive and thriving (and reading this, hehe)! Biki, you asked us on your blog in your excellent goals article, what would make us feel like we’ve finished the year on a high note… Well, I guess the answer for me, is to let go and just create…write more and to share my writing (no matter how daunting the prospect!).
Life is not a formula of steps to be perfectly executed. It is actually a total messy affair. A beautiful chaotic mess, and me, I’m just going to embrace that! Won’t you join me?
This look was actually shot weeks ago, in October, in honor of the breast cancer awareness month. Yes, I did #wearitpink people! It was a grunge carefree look, but with heels instead of boots, and lots of pink pops. I missed you guys so much. Till next time, keep it messy, keep it chaotic, keep it beautiful!